By the way, First Years, Kenyon is in Knox County. (From left to right: Mike Durham, Meredith Harper Bonham ’92, Sean Decatur, Hoi Ning Ngai and Bam Bam the Cat.)

Confused by the vast number of faculty members sending you email after email about open class seats and music lessons? Upset by the sheer volume of smiling adult faces you’ve attempted to impress over the past 72 hours? Feeling lost due to an overwhelming sense of displacement, but unable to reach out for guidance because you simply don’t know who to trust?

Me too, friend. These feelings don’t go away with time.

BUT! If you’re looking for the low-down on Kenyon’s key players, I’ve got you covered. Sit back, relax and immerse yourself in a calming pool of sweet, sweet information. You’ll thank me when you’re older.

• President Sean Decatur, a.k.a. President D-Cat. If you didn’t scope Kenyon’s president out as you were relentlessly researching colleges and universities, desperately attempting to make The Most Important Decision Of Your Life, you missed the heck out. President Decatur has been kickin’ it at Kenyon since July of 2013, changing lives and rocking out to The Beatles. You’ll really want to check out his blog, Notes from Ransom Hall – this dude is eloquent as HELL.
• Dean of Students Janet Lohmann. Let this serve as a heartfelt welcome from all of us here at The Thrill! Janet Lohmann joined Kenyon just this month, and we’re exited to get to know her better. What’s she bringing to the table, you might ask? A master’s in social relations, a doctorate in sociology and dope knowledge in both criminology and gender & race relations, that’s what!
• Dean for Academic Advising and Support Hoi Ning Ngai. Hoi Ning Ngai is one of the most approachable people on Kenyon’s campus. She’s your go-to person if you’re having any academic worries or woes. To prove she’s legit, here’s an excerpt from her official biography on kenyon.edu:
  

  SPECIAL NOTES: She grew up in New York. She can’t drive a car or ride a bicycle. Her favorite city is Paris. Her favorite foods include: ice cream, ribs, and duck. Her power color is magenta. She smiles a lot. And her favorite topic is, of course, students. Feel free to ask about any or all as you wish.

• Vice President for Student Affairs Meredith Bonham. Meredith Bonham oversees a lot of what goes on here on campus. She returned to Kenyon (that’s right, she went here!) in 2015 after accruing tons and tons of experience doing college administrative work. She knows what’s up with Title IX, student residential life and collegiate cultural affairs. Do I know what any of that means? Kind of!
• CNP and Director of Health Services Kim Cullers. Feeling yucky? Kim Cullers has your back! You can usually find her over at Kenyon’s health center, where she’ll likely be meeting with students, leading free STD clinics or keeping tabs on campus outbreaks.
• Co-Directors of the Counseling Center Mike Durham and Nikki Keller. While these two are only serving as interim directors in the wake of Patrick Gilligan’s retirement (we miss you, Patrick!), they’re definitely important to know. The duo have served as counselors at Kenyon for goodness knows how long, and they’ll be able to steer you in the right direction if you ever need help.
• The AVI Crew. Whenever you see someone in an AVI uniform around Peirce hall, shoot ’em a quick smile and a thank you. The whole AVI staff does wonders for this college; namely, they cook for us and maintain Peirce Hall. On a personal note, they make my tummy happy. We all should show them some major appreciation.
• Bam Bam the Cat. Bam Bam is the OG Kenyon cutie. You can usually see the famed feline skulking around the Crozier Center, glowering in jealousy at the popularity of the newly-discovered sewer drain cats. Treat Bam Bam with gentle kindness, okay?

Have any other tips on Kenyon’s hottest celebs? Leave some wisdom down below!