I’m gonna give it to you straight: My spleen is struggling to do its thing right now, and a Real Official Doctor Woman told me not to drink any alcohol whatsoever. Bummer, right?
To console myself, I’m going to give you the big ol’ punch in the spleen I crave. Tonight, as you sip your sweet, fruity mix of heaven and sin, think of your pal Grack. Remember me as I once was.
- 1.5 parts dark rum
- 1.5 parts white rum
- 1 part orange curaçao
- 2 parts orange juice
- 2 parts pineapple juice
- 1 part simple syrup
- Lime juice (to taste)
- A few dashes of grenadine (to taste)
Combine all ingredients in the biggest bowl you can scrounge up. Garnish with orange slices if you’re feeling saucy. Ladle that snizz out into red Solo cups, as is the college way. Enjoy your tasty creation while I cry in bed. I hate you. I love you. Please buy me soup.
** Shoutout to Dale DeGroff, who posted a version of this gut punch on liquor.com!