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Pillow Talk: Your Questions Answered

September 10, 2016
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  • Tips for keeping it alive with a long-distance SO?

First of all: PHONE SEX. It’s surprisingly easy to initiate — you could bring up something that turned you on during the day or something you miss about being intimate with your SO. If it’s awkward at first, that won’t last for long! It might take just a moment to adjust to this new sexual medium. You may find that this new platform will allow some steamy discussion between you and your SO that wouldn’t arise if you’re in the same bed. Talking through the sex act can bring up things you’d like to try, things about your partner that turn you on, things IN GENERAL that turn you on… Not only will this be an extremely intimate experience with your partner, it will improve your sex life when you finally find yourselves in the same bed. I’d recommend using FaceTime audio if you both have iPhones, because the sound quality is SO CLEAR and picks up even the softest whispers.

One of the most difficult things about long-distance is that it’s hard to feel connected to someone when you don’t know their friends or the day-to-day details that you knew before. Make a conscious effort to keep your SO filled in about your new friends and new routines — it will help you both feel involved in each other’s lives, even though you’re far apart.

Embrace social media! It’s a super easy way to let someone know you’re thinking about them. Send them the meme on Instagram that made you laugh, or the song on Spotify that you’re jamming to, or even shoot them a few bucks on Venmo for something sweet.

  • How do I tell my gf to clip her fingernails? I feel like Wolverine is fingering me and it’s not X-cellent.

Clearly, you’re not trying to cramp her style… but this is a serious matter of pleasure, even safety!!! A fun solution could be to incorporate a manicure into foreplay. Let her know that shorter fingernails would feel more comfortable and recommend a salon session. Imagine this: You have a file and clipper already waiting on your night stand and you hold her hand softly in yours. She could return the favor after! Be sure to file after this one, though. Sharp nails could be as uncomfortable as long nails!

  • I’m a senior that still has never slept with anyone. It’s not that I’m ashamed about it, because I’m just waiting for a stable relationship, but more that I’m concerned that future partners will think there’s something wrong with me. Any advice?

Don’t worry, the kind of relationship you’re waiting for will provide an accepting space, no matter your sexual history! While discussions about past experience (or lack there of) can be uncomfortable in any case, virginity is nothing to be ashamed of and shouldn’t make a SO think something is wrong with you. If this happens, it might be strong indication that that person can’t offer you the relationship you’re looking for! The most positive outcome of sexual experience is that you can learn about YOURSELF — what makes you feel good. But you don’t even need a partner for that! I’d recommend spending some important time with your own body, learning what you like and what feels good for your body. That way, when you meet someone you would like to sleep with, you can show them!

XOXO

Your Sexperts

Submit questions for next week HERE!

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