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A Letter From Your Home Friend Jim

September 15, 2016
Yeah, that's Jim alright (via chapter.org)

Yeah, that’s Jim alright (via chapter.org)

Hey there stranger! It’s been a while, hasn’t it? The last time I saw you the sky was still blue and the birds still chirped in the morning! No more of that annoying bullshit, huh?

Anyway, I hope all is well at Canyon College. I know going to The Middle Of Nowhere can be kinda tough on some people – you remember Jerry, right? – but I think you’re well-equipped to handle it, what with the multi-use knife your mother so lovingly gave you before your Departure. Hard to think it’s been a whole two years now!

Remember that time you screamed until your voice gave out and you hunched over in pain but the breath could not help but escape from your lungs and your blood deoxygenated and the world stopped turning for a second? HA! Those are the moments you never forget, even if you want nothing more than to not remember.

What have you been up to? I know you don’t usually write back to these kinds of letters, you never have, but I’m curious! What kind of classes are you taking? History of the Loss of Life? Predicting the Next Mass Extinction? Those are the kinds of classes I wish I could’ve taken, if only I hadn’t gone to Vocational School. I’m happy though. I’m learning important skills such as Changing A Tire and Checking the Engine Oil. If you ever need a Librarian, I’m your guy!

Anyway, it’s been nice talking to you. Or writing to you. Or astral projecting directly inside of your room to you. I hope to hear from you soon, even – and especially! – if you never want to speak to me again.

Love,

Your Home Friend Jim

2 Comments leave one →
  1. Nope nope nope permalink
    September 16, 2016 10:22 am

    Wow, a gloriously hideous example of a kind of smug and clueless elitism that hurts Kenyon. Seriously, making fun of some dumb shmoe training to be a mechanic? Why did this pass editorial standards, Thrill editors?

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