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The Peirce Cleanse: Pancake Mornings, Tempeh Nights

September 28, 2016

 

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I’ve been feeling spongy lately. Rubbery, like an old shoe. I needed a boost, something to make me feel alive again. And where do I turn when there’s no place else to turn? The Vegetarian section of the servery. That’s right, friendos. I went to the land of yellow string beans and sweet potato hash, and I never looked back. You never know what your body is capable of when you push its limits, and today I pushed mine. I feel so, so strong. Why? I did the Peirce Cleanse. What is the Peirce Cleanse, you snarl in a chorus of hyenic voices? It’s when you only eat in one section of the servery for a whole day. No salad bar, no cereal, no dessert. Side fruit is acceptable, as are drinks. Why Vegetarian? Because, dear reader, meat has not passed through these thin lil’ shark lips in almost a decade. If the shoe fits, ha ha. Let’s dive in!

BREAKFAST

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Pictured: plantains, white rice, “blueberry” pancakes.

I did not taste the blueberry in those pancakes, and was deeply distraught. In terms of full disclosure, sweet potato hash was also offered, but I did not take any because I don’t think that potatoes should be orange and I absolutely don’t think that potatoes should be sweet.

Grade: B. I was disappointed that the customary cauldron of oatmeal wasn’t on display this morning, but otherwise the fare was standard. The rice was a fun surprise!

 

 

LUNCH

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Pictured: brown rice, cooked carrots, tempeh fajitas

Lunch pleased me. Despite my aversion to tempeh, I always enjoy wrapping a bunch of food into one blanket-like circle food and eating it with my hands, so lunch was a laugh and a half. The tempeh was salty. Is tempeh always this way? The rice was not as good as breakfast rice, but I saw that one coming a mile away. The cooked carrots predictably knocked it out of the park.

 

Grade: A-. I got a sizable portion of protein vis a vis the tempeh, which kept my body strong and hardy during the afternoon. I am starting to feel the burn at this point folks!

 

DINNER

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italian flavor? nuggets??? now this I can get behind!

 

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Pictured: pasta with marinara sauce, tempeh (NOT tofu nuggets), acorn squash

I struggled with the tempeh at lunch, but I ate it with my head held high. But to have it served again at dinner under the shameful disguise of a tofu nugget was simply too much. I ate four or five blobs before the salt overwhelmed me. Good pasta, excellent squash.

Grade: C+. It could have been an A, had the tempeh double-cross not taken place. So much wasted potential.

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CONCLUSIONS

I went into this day wanting to feel less like an old tennis ball, and I have met my goal and then some! My stomach is confused, but my mind is razor sharp. I could run a 5k right now, probably. While this wasn’t a traditional cleanse, I’m so grateful for the clarity that this day has given me. What a terrible, beautiful world we live in. What a blessing. What a curse.

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