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A Kenyon Prophecy

October 6, 2016
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So glad I finally got the opportunity to show off my vision board.

We all know the prophecy of Harry Potter and Neville Longbottom: born on the same day to two sets of wizarding parents, either one of them could have been the chosen one. But did you know that another prophecy was made, one about two young men destined to both be presidents? Here is the story:

Barack Hussein Obama was born in Honolulu, Hawaii on August 4th, 1961. Little did he know in a Cleveland area hospital exactly a month and seven years later, on September 4th, 1968, Sean M.(Matthew, Malthus, Mad Dog?) Decatur was born. They share a connection few have ever known of, a lost prophecy only recently recovered.

Barack spent his childhood traveling throughout the US and abroad in places such as Hawaii, Seattle and Indonisia, increasing his worldliness and experiencing a variety of cultures. Sean, allegedly, spent much of his time indoors with his home chemistry set except for the times his mom locked him out of the house so he could “get some air.” When they were finally old enough to drive, Barack cruised around in a black leather jacket on the back of his Harley Davidson. Sean perused the streets of Ohio in his mom’s white Subaru, a “My Other Ride is the TARDIS” sticker plastered on its bumper.


Sean later attended Swarthmore College where he studied chemistry. He and his peers spent hours after hours on weekend nights holed up in whatever Swarthmore’s equivalent of Gund Commons is, playing Dungeons and Dragons until the sun came up. Barack, who at this point was going by Barry O. (let’s bring this back please), was known for his impassioned debates on political theory and his ability to roll the fattest j’s around. Classmates still speak fondly of him, Yeah, I remember Barry, he was always philosophizing and smokin’ a doobie. Righteous dude.   

Both men, with their good looks and humble dispositions, snagged wives far cooler than they ever deserved. They both went on to have two children a piece. Their eldest daughters have been pitted against each other, the Yale and Harvard rivalry runs deep. Yet both men are forever united, mirror images of each other, brothers in arms, the peanut butter to the other’s jelly.

Look at these two handsome and intelligent men we get to call President. What a time to be alive.

One Comment leave one →
  1. Chris' mom permalink
    October 7, 2016 12:37 am

    award for greatest thrill stock photo goes to…. d-cat and Obama conspiracy theory cork board

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