via dailyperricone.com

mustard, n. and adj. Powder made from the crushed seeds of certain plants of the family Brassicaceae ( Cruciferae), used in cookery for its pungency (see sense A. 2a) (formerly also †flour of mustard). Also: a paste made from this powder mixed with water, vinegar, etc., used as a pungent condiment and (formerly) in making poultices or plasters. (via the OED)

It’s me, your friend Mustard. You don’t know me yet, but you will. I am the color of the sun and the taste of mustard. I am bad at metaphors but great at sandwiches. I can’t make you love me, but I’d sure love to take you out to the Cheesecake Factory sometime. Time and space frighten me, and my body is a tube. It’s the Friday Mustard.

Here are the things happening this weekend:

Children’s Story Time

T.F. Mustard will be reading from her beloved children’s book Why Mustard Constantly Outshines Ketchup on Saturday at 5 a.m. outside of a locked Gund Gallery. Children and parents are encouraged to bring their own hot dog chunks with which to sample the author.

Weekend Sports Update

On Saturday, the Lords and Ladies will host a Mustard Festival, and will battle Wooster’s Fighting Scots in a Mustard Eating Contest. Whoever cannot stop themselves after drinking from the ceremonial mustard troughs for ten minutes will lose, due to their lack of self-restraint. McBride Field at noon.

Dinner and a Movie

Cinearts will host a screening of MuSt aRd at 7 p.m. on Friday in the basement of the post office. Grab a squirt to eat beforehand from  Mom’s Mustard food truck on the new Middle Path patio, informally known to students as Mrs. Mustard’s Metropolis.

Community Health Fair

Join the health center in celebrating mustard this weekend down at the Kenyon Athletic Center, where local vendors will be setting up floating kiosks in Kenyon’s Olympic-sized pool. Feel free to slip into a swimsuit and paddle around, but be warned: the pool will be filled with mustard, and you have to pay for the amount of condiment that clings to your slippery, pungent body after crawling out of the pool. Other activities include a ball pit full of mustard seeds, a hot dog dressed up as a mustard bottle, and miscellaneous feats of strength.