It’s family weekend, so your parents are here, and boy did they miss making passive yet personally aggressive comments about everything in sight! Don’t get me wrong, you love your folks– but these three days seem like a century. Maybe it’s the leaves changing or the midterms you just stumbled through. Or maybe it’s the fact that they simply don’t belong in a college environment as they are older adults puttering around demanding the Deli makes espresso drinks even if it holds up the line for 24+ minutes. I digress.
This weekend, you need a stiff drink that the whole family can agree on– I give you, the All in the Family Punch Bowl Spectacular.
- Half a bottle of vodka
- 4 grunts after your mom demands you stand in front of that tree and smile godammit
- a gentle whispered apology to the VI waitress as your mom sends her salad back for the 3rd time
- Pineapple concentrate, the whole can
- two cups of Lemonade
- Two bad hangovers as you stumble through a neighborhood in Columbus
- “It definitely has a distinct smell”
- a bottle of Champagne
- 1/3 liter of sparkling water
- A crushing spritz of guilt, shame, and doubt about everything that will happen in the next 2-4 years!