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Secret Kenyon Terms Even Urban Dictionary Doesn’t Know

October 17, 2016
Dummies!

Dummies!

This post was co-authored by Gracie Potter ’17 and Yasmin Nesbat ’18, also known as your goddam Editors-in-Chief. 

There are moments at Kenyon that silently, without acknowledgement, constantly happen throughout campus. There are developed habits and learned skills that come situations only Kenyon offers. We’re tired of trying to describe that feeling of being full but also not full at all from Peirce. Why do we all know that sensation when you realize at 10 pm that you still have to park your car in South 2. What about that mixture of sweat and glitter and beer that happens in the basement of Old Kenyon? It’s time to define these handful of what will surely be many more terms.

The Peirce Waltz: You enter the servery at least a couple of times a day and must immediately adjust your pace to that of the room. With time, a one-two step pattern starts to happen, and you begin to get the hang of an artfully choreographed bob-and-weave endeavor.

The Ransom Lawn Phone Bank: From mid-day to early evening, the lawn between Olin Library and Peirce Hall turns into a space for students to call home for a study break. The lawn is riddled with faces drained by the fluorescent lighting and endless reading assignments.

Adirondack Hopping: During the warmer weather, students will spend their days soaking up the sun and refusing to go inside. They’ll spend mornings reading on an adirondack in front of Gund Gallery, spend their afternoon perhaps in front of Wiggin or Rosse Hall, and conclude with an evening meal on Ransom Lawn. While they may have gone all over campus, they’ve spent most of their waking hours in on adirondack or another. Is it more or less glamorous than bar-hopping? Who’s to say.

The 2 a.m. Stare: Have you ever been walking home on a weekday night and noticed a strange, zombie-like figure looming in the distance, shadow cast across the Ohio forest, immobile and silent? That, my friends, is a Kenyon student experiencing the 2 a.m. Stare. Studying and eating overpriced Market snacks until the wee hours of the morning breaks a person; something inside their brain snaps like a twig, and all of their conscious thought loosens and tumbles out into the darkness. This momentary shedding of mental baggage causes severe lethargy to the point of paralysis. The eyes widen. The soul collapses. College is hard, my dudes, and these babies know it.

The 2 a.m. Sprint: In contrast to those susceptible to the 2 a.m. Stare, 2 a.m. Sprinters experience nocturnal bursts of anxiety-induced energy. This energy translates into running, specifically through weirdly tall grass that feels like it would be scratchy on calves!!! Ouch!!! Where are these lanky boys going? Why do they have to get there so dang quickly? Are the sprinters and the starers at war somehow? I don’t know! I’ve seen both of these types of freaky freaky people and I can’t parse it.

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