Weekday Playlist: Unoffensive Corporate Jazz Inspired by Panera Bread
Eight o’clock finds me doing small Hillary Clinton-esque shoulder shimmies to the ’90s jazz tunes softly tumbling out of the Mount Vernon Panera Bread’s speakers. I’m having a dope-ass, chill-ass Tuesday, And You Should Too!™
To bring my fun experience straight to you, I Shazam’d a bunch of the songs I’ve heard within the past hour and put them all in a neat lil playlist. This entirely innocuous and somewhat bland set of moderately funky jams will make you say, “Hey! This is something I could have played on my tiny Bluetooth speaker when my parents walked into my Mather double last weekend to make it seem like college had made me super mature and sophisticated!” Or perhaps you’ll think, “Wow! This forces me to focus even harder on procrastinating! Maybe I should check out that Kim Kardashian app!”
Anyway, here’s the playlist. Hunker down, study up, and stay tuned for updates – there’s no way I’m going to stop asking Siri “what song is this” every two to three minutes. I’ve already set a precedent.