You know that mom who in your neighborhood that you try at all costs to avoid, but she power-walks with little pink dumbbells up to your window when you’re backing out of the driveway to remind you to remind your mother to vote for the next chair of the Homeowners Association?
I am her, only instead little pink dumbbells, I’m doubling-fisting cups of coffee, and instead of being concerned about your mother’s enfranchisement in the Cul-de-sac of Broken Dreams you live in, I’m concerned about you being a proper soldier of democracy in the United States of America.
Too dramatic? Too bad.
Today’s Thrill article from yours truly is brought to you by: the letter D. “D” stands for democracy. It also stands for “Down the Ballot Voting”, which is a super chill thing to do.
Down ballot voting basically means voting for a singular party all the way down the ballot. Either you vote for all democratic candidates, or you vote for all republican candidates.
But, dear Politically Active Pal, I simply don’t see why I should vote down the ballot!
Well, italicized-implied-audience-narration, it just makes sense! Choosing your adorable puppy to run the country and then voting for an entire team of cat-lovers to work beneath said puppy would result in tension, confusion, and plenty of stalemates when it comes to getting shiz done. By voting down the ballot, you’re ensuring that the people running the country can do so harmoniously, without running into too many idealistic conflicts!
And if that isn’t a good enough reason, down the ballot voting ensures that if you know and believe in the party you support, then, should you not have enough time before running to the polls to research candidates, you can confidently vote for people whose ideals match yours!
While most major party candidates will be easily identifiable by an “R” or a “D”, not every name you see on the ballot when you head over to the polls in the next 48 hours will be labeled according to party affiliation, dear friends. Life, unfortunately, is not that easy. But I’ve mapped out for you what down the ballot voting might look like for either major party (any person not shown on this table is running unopposed) :
You can thank me, and the woman who stops you when you’re backing out of the driveway, later for making your life so much easier.
Or you can go to the polls in the next 48 hours and take your part in making history. That would be enough of a “thank you” for this tired, concerned American citizen.
P.S. If you see me on Tuesday, offer me a warm beverage, a blanket, and a hug. Alcohol is accepted as well. Consider these offerings a gift to commemorate my series of Thrill-based nagging, and goodbye for now.