The Friday Mustard


Hello, hello! The campus is once again bustling with activity. Finals are coming up, and papers are being written, study guides are being crafted. It’s always strange how everyone comes back from break more tired than they were before, isn’t it? Sometimes too much rest is a bad thing, or at least a lonely thing. The campus was resting, too. It was too empty. The classrooms creaked with disuse, the KAC’s glow in the distance seemed dimmer than usual. I’m so glad we’re all back. It’s the Friday Mustard.

Here’s what Mustard is doing this weekend.

Mustard tries to take up a new instrument, only to be reminded that hobbies aren’t fun unless you do them all the time. Being subpar at the tenor saxophone is not relaxing or fulfilling. I wish you could press a button and just be good at something. Even if it was just one thing–just one thing in your whole life. I wonder what it feels like to be the best at something, anything. I wonder if that’s lonely.

Mustard takes the shuttle into town, alone, and eats a burrito. I wish I was one of those people who could take themselves out to restaurants. I-I just feel self conscious about these sorts of things. Even though I know it’s not true, I can’t help but imagine that everything is always watching me with a sort of veiled disdain, whispering to their friends about the sad old Mustard who couldn’t find a friend to go out for burritos with.

Mustard plays solitaire while watching the Late Show. Stephen Colbert really is pretty funny, even if I do miss him on Comedy Central. Maybe I’ll write him a letter telling him how much I appreciate his work. No, no one would ever see it. Is he the rare celebrity who actually is as likable as he appears? I think I prefer not knowing.

Mustard sleeps in for too long. I wish I could treat myself and feel good about it. Why can’t I stay in bed all day without an overwhelming feeling of guilt washing over me? Why does getting out of bed somehow feel worse?




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