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The Thrill’s Official 2016 Holiday Gift Guide

December 6, 2016

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We at The Thrill love the holidays. Specifically, we love the film Unaccompanied Minors, and the holiday season is the only socially acceptable (and even then it is pushing it) time to watch that film. So, in short, we love the holidays. To help you through this busy time, we’ve compiled a list of possible gifts for all of your nearest and dearest loved ones, specifically those people you’ve barely spoken to since last September. Since it’s the season of giving, and since on Christmas you tell the truth (this is NOT a concept), it’s time to express your appreciation for our small, forgotten heroes. And with that, I present the official Thrill 2016 Gift Guide for each and every special person in your life.

The girl you sit next to in seminar but never speak to: A full year supply of underwear

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Your weed guy: The Space Jam soundtrack 

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My weed guy: The Da Vinci Code in paperback

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The girl from your freshman hall that held your hair back while you puked: a gift card to the American Girl store

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The guy on your hall that plays TECHNO TOO LOUD starting at 3 pm: tasteful Heelys

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That one maintenance guy that came to your apartment when you said your fan was broken and then he showed up and just flicked a switch and it was done: An apology cake

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The professor that still doesn’t know your name: a nameplate, so they’ll never forget

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That boy in your class who always talks but doesn’t really have anything to say: a Club Penguin membership to distract him

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That kind, non-judgmental Campus Safety officer who let you back in your dorm at 7AM after you locked yourself out after taking a shower and lol you have class in ten minutes but you’re still just wearing a towel and your shower flip-flops: whoopie cushion slippers

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That person-who-is-more-acquaintance-than-friend’s parents who you randomly met because Acquaintance passed you on Middle Path during parents’ weekend & said “hi” & Acquaintance’s parents said “hi, I’m Acquaintance’s mom and this is Acquaintance’s dad”: The chillow–it keeps your pillow perpetually cool

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The person you always see in the library but don’t really know: This Steve Buscemi Prayer Candle for obvious reasons

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D-cat: Bop It

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D-cat’s son: a stereo looper

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The person you talked to in the bookstore line while stress-buying sour patch kids: this candle shaped like yoda

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