Your Kenyon Astrological Twin: A Real Horoscope Done By A Real Person
December 6, 2016
This article was written by Maddie Farr ’18 who’s here to tell us all about how Cool and Mysterious astrology is. Get psyched for a REAL HOROSCOPE and not just where to cry in the market.
I first learned about astrology from a Very Cool and Mysterious girl at church camp. She carried a book of astrology with her always, and I have a vivid memory of sneaking off to the basement with her and our friends to read our birth charts. The biggest impression I took away from this event was that astrology is Cool and Mysterious, but I couldn’t tell you much else. It took me until the summer of 2015 to read my chart again, and this time it really stuck. I was going through a lot of changes and growth that summer, and astrology became sort of my rock – something to hold onto to make sense of my life. It sounds silly, and sometimes it is silly. But mostly it is Extremely Serious, like this list I have compiled of Kenyon grads/people who hang out at Kenyon who share your sign. Not silly at all!
Virgo: Sean Decatur
Sean Decatur is such a Virgo! Sometimes I just stop during my day and think, I wonder if D-Cat knows how much of a Virgo he is. Basically, Virgos are the planners, organizers, and perfectionists of the chart. You are also often quietly kind and even humble sometimes, as in the case of D-Cat. You can just tell he thinks through anything he says, before he says it. You over-analyze the crap out of your life. But like, best case scenario, you are Sean Decatur.
Sagittarius: Stephanie Danler ’06
Have you read Sweetbitter? Seriously do, it’s so good, and full of wild Sagittarius fun. And the way Stephanie Danler wrote it is so Sag, too! She’s such a go-getter. She literally worked in and managed restaurants for 10 years before deciding to quit it all and write a novel. So, for two years she waited tables and got an MFA, and out came Sweetbitter.This is what a Sag is capable of, when you learn to focus your insane energy!
Leo-Cancer Cusp: Josh Radnor ’96
This one is almost too easy. I mean, Leos love drama. I feel like if you polled the Drama/Film departments (also, accapella), there would be a fairly high concentration of Leos. It’s great, you are thriving, just like Josh Radnor! But his Cusp with Cancer means that this D-R-A-M-A is also influenced by a lot of emotions, and like, have you seen Liberal Arts???
Scorpio: Carl Djerassi ’43
Scorpios are the sign that is like, secretly taking over the world behind the backs of all the other signs. Carl Djerassi invented the birth control pill! Think about it. Djerassi has sneakily affected the lives of virtually all Kenyon students in a major way… arguably more than any other alum. [thank you, dude!] Then he wrote some plays??? What a sneaky Scorpio.
Libra: Andrew Grace ’01 & Tory Weber ’02
How do power couple Tory and Andy juggle two young kids and very cool, demanding jobs?? It’s that Libra balance and harmony, guys. Libras are truly balanced folks who know what’s up. Also, they are very charming. Shout out to Tory and Andy and all the other Kenyon Libras, you are actually the best!
Capricorn: E.L. Doctorow ’52
Everyone knows E.L. Doctorow was a famous Kenyon writer, but I bet you like 7% of us know what he did and why it’s important. Literally I could not tell you. It’s cool though, Capricorn. You are a hidden gem, I’m sure. The 7% of us that have read you are HUGE fans. Keep on being yourself!!!
Pisces: Jim Borgman ’76
You thought Bill Waterson was our only cartoonist alum? Think again!! Jim Borgman wrote Zits – you know, that comic strip about super angsty teenagers?? It’s so fitting that he is a Pisces, because you know who is the angsty teenager of the zodiac? Pisces. You guys are emotional about everything, from your latest zit to the fact that everyone dies alone. You’re probably not even listening right now!!
Aquarius: Paul Newman ’49
I am so happy that Paul Newman is an Aquarius, first because I am an Aquarius, but also because it makes so much sense. For starters, those blue eyes! It’s like the water-bearer poured his water into his eyes…? Secondly, Aquarians are known for being forward-thinking and concerned about the world. Hello, Newman-Os!! Paul Newman positively affected the world. Also, he’s from Cleveland. Whew.
Cancer: Chef Meagan’s Baby
Cancer, you really have so much in common with Chef Meagan’s baby. You are so emo, Cancer. You cry like, all the time. It’s so lovely though! It means you are sensitive, and you feel things. Your skin is thin, like a baby’s. The only difference is that you do not have Chef Meagan in your life. Cry about it, baby!!
Taurus: Leopoldo Lopez ’93
I feel like I could make a lot of jokes about Leopoldo Lopez being stubborn (a MAJOR Taurean quality) by being a political activist and like being imprisoned and stuff but I would feel not ok about that… just, good job being a Taurus, Mr. Lopez! Best of luck! Keep being stubborn!
Aries-Taurus Cusp: Graham Gund’s dad
I am sorry, Aries. I couldn’t find any Aries alum, but I want you to hear me out. If Graham Gund’s dad is anything like his son, the highly esteemed, all-mighty Graham Gund, then he is such an Aries-Taurus Cusp. Graham Gund thinks he knows exactly what Kenyon students want, and he’s willing to do almost anything to give those things to us. Chill out, right! He’s also stubborn, like a Taurus… “Why no trash cans or clocks, sir?” “I don’t like them, no!!!” [how I imagine his conversations go] My sleuthing did not uncover Gund’s birthday, but if I had to guess, I’d say he takes after his dad in the zodiac.
Gemini: Carmen Perry ’15
Carmen Perry is super great and makes amazing music both as a part of SPORTS, and also as a solo artist in her project Addie Pray. She is so talented and also such a Gemini, so just one musical project couldn’t hold her down. So if you’re having trouble channeling your often contradictory Gemini energy, stop trying to do one thing! Take a cue from Carmen and allow for your multitudes.
If you are interested in your birth chart, I am reading charts for a $10 donation to Planned Parenthood/charity of your choice. You can email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.