Dewey decimal? More like Heinz um… Heinz uh- Heinz integer!

Fine. You wanted it, so here you go. Look, just take it. I know you have a lot going on this week, but trust me. You’ll be fine. No. A lot of people are doing it. In fact, I do it pretty much every day. Ok, yes. I’m an “exception,” but really you only need to do it once or twice a week to start feeling better. Plus, you’re high-strung. It really helps with high-strung people. Helps them to relax…looks like this is going no where. How ’bout you tell me about your weekend.

“All I know it that #deflategate was real. FALCONS WILL RISE!”

“I’m so violently hungover you wouldn’t believe*”

*said on a Monday morning

“*yawns*”

Your weekend was fine, but I’m begging you to do this. Just take it. Take an hour and procrastinate, dammit! Yes. I’ll say it again. A lot of people do it! I do it! No, it’s not a gateway activity. Here are some things that might ease you into it.

What: Fly Fishing Workshop

• Learn the basics of fly fishing and where to use your new skills in central Ohio.
• Graham Stokes will lead this exciting program. The dates listed below are a series of connected classes; the program begins Jan. 31 and ends Feb. 28, so be sure to mark your calendar for all of these dates!
• My dad is way into fly fishing. One time he took me Bluegill fishing in middle school. My fishing ineptitude left me sad and fish-less for the most part. Seeing my distress, my dad took my line, submerged it under the water, and placed a stone on top of it. I tugged on the line long enough for him to take a picture of me “wrassling with a big ol’ sucker” of a Bluegill. What’s the saying? Give a man a fish, and he’ll eat for a day. Teach a man to trick others into thinking he’s a decent fisherman, and he’ll still eat for a day.

When: Tuesday, February 7 at 7:30pm to 9:30pm (other times)

Where: BFEC

What: Fandango

• Seniors getting drunk with professors.
• Appetizers and drinks will be served.

When: Friday, February 10 at 7:30pm to 9:30pm

Where: Gund Commons. Jeez that’s a little sad. I mean. It’s GUND COMMONS people. That building needs a face lift in a bad way. It does the job fine, but I think seniors deserve better.