You start your trip to another planet in your last class on Friday. You’re in an intro class your last semester because you totally live on the edge, and you sit in the back with your laptop open as you let the underclassmen battle to the death to argue the exact same answer to a question your professor asked. You roll your eyes and look over to your senior housemate and she is holding up paper saying “COMPS” with a drawing of a pencil on it. You get a little jitter in your stomach. This is real life y’all, this is the senior EXERCISE you’ve got eleven pages finished and you’ve still got sixty-nine to go! Class ends and you go up to your senior friend. You each give a nod. Spring Break has begun.
The next morning you wake up to your housemate pushing you off your bed. “We need your sticky notes and staples bitch,” she says, and you say that you don’t have any. “Let’s rob,” she says with a suspicious smile.
That night you end up at Olin. You’ve got a mask on your head and rulers for protection. Your heist is ready, and you break into Olin screaming “SPRING BREAK!!!!” as you grab all the staples and sticky notes in sight. Juniors still on campus look to you with fear and admiration, and you whisper, “just you wait” as you run off. You go to your home and suck coffee off your dirty common room table and take a shot of Monster. Tonight’s a magical night, y’all. You’re here to make academia shake. To make that keyboard click. To make that word count, y’all. Table of contents and big words. That’s what life is about, y’all. Spring break forever.
Your hookup comes over and tries to get you to come get a drink at the VI with him. He says, “Comps aren’t even that big of a deal.” You yell, “This is the f****** Kenyon dream. Look at all this shit! I got PENS! Every color! I got J-STOR articles printed out! I got MLA Citations and footnotes. On repeat. FOOTNOTES ON REPEAT. Constant, y’all! I got coffee! I got Red Bull! Mix it up with Monster. Smell nice? I SMELL NICE! This ain’t a desk; that’s a f****** art piece. U.S.S. Liberal Arts on this. I go to different planets on this. Me and my original K-Card, we take off. TAKE OFF!” Your hookup cries “I wanna go home” and runs away terrified and scarred for life. You don’t care; you’ve got it all. Staring at the 80-page count on your computer, you whisper, “Y’all my soul mate, I swear to the Registrar.” “Everytime” by Britney Spears plays in the background. You take your pencil and aim it at the sky and yell “SPRING BREAK FOREVER!”
* (Citation to Harmony Korine’s Spring Breakers (2012). Quotes and content taken and inspired from film)