BIG NEWS: We Got Yelled At
You may remember that we had a week of initiation events called “Rush the Thrill” in which we hosted bonding events like Hard-Boiled Egg meet and greet, and a Groundhog Day celebration in the graveyard. Well, turns out that when Graham Gund was here a few weeks ago he wasn’t too pleased that we dug a hole in the graveyard and made a bunch of freshman lay in it. I guess it didn’t have enough natural light and didn’t go with the architecture of the Squad. Honestly that’s our bad.
In addition, we were contacted by the administration who asked us to pay the hospital fees for the people who rushed and ingested grave dirt. Also a small fee for psychiatrist appointments because we may have caused psychological damage? I don’t know. Kids these days are too sensitive. When I was a freshman I would have gladly been buried alive in the graveyard. Hell, I’d still be down for that. Facebook event coming soon.
You might be wondering why we’re telling you this. The truth is, we’re broke and can’t afford the hospital fees and psychological damage fees, so we’re asking you to go support our GoFundMe page! We need approximately 1.5 million dollars by next week. If you donate, you’ll be put in a raffle for the really cool flannel I found in the trash can! No holes or anything!
Lesson learned, kids. Don’t dig holes in Graham Gund’s graveyard. Surprisingly, it might be a decision you regret.