We’re all still feeling the burn of Jon Hamm’s canceled appearance at Kenyon (RIP), but lament not Lords and Ladies because EARL SWEATSHIRT is coming to campus. I. AM. SO. EXCITED. WHO. EVEN. NEEDS. JON. HAMM. ANYMORE. NOT. US. CAUSE. WE. GOT. EARL. FAM.
WHAT IF TYLER MAKES A SURPRISE APPEARANCE? WHAT IF JASPER AND TACO COME WITH HIM? CART MY BODY AWAY IF FRANK OCEAN SHOWS UP BECAUSE I WILL HAVE DIED KNOWING THAT THIS IS THE BEST MOMENT OF MY LIFE. GODDAM. I know I’m getting ahead of myself. But, I saw a gray sweatshirt and I was like well, I guess Weezer is coming and they’re going to sing that don’t unravel my sweater song. It would be pretty fitting for Sendoff to have an act that was touring their album before we were all born. But we got EARL INSTEAD, QUE SORPRESA!!
To quote Earl, “I Don’t Like Shit and I Don’t Go Outside” but I love this shit, and if I must, I will drag my pasty ass outside. See you all there. GOLFWANG.