The Monday Catchup


Yeah. I know I didn’t edit a ketchup bottle into this photo. deal. with. it.

How do I begin my Monday? I rise at 3:37 am. I take an icy cold shower followed by an ice bath just so mild hypothermia sets in (that requires an internal temperature of about 95 degrees, friends and lovers). Fully iced, I go for a brisk seven mile run. I run five more miles, because I have an extra 14 minutes to blow. Once home, I read to my small cohort of chickens and collect their eggs for consumption. I throw the eggs in a blender along with the book I read to my chickens; that should make for a drink with a 1:1 ratio of protein to fiber. I send one email. Afterwords, I get rid of everything that doesn’t fulfill me, such as money. I give a sub-par TED talk about thermodynamics in relation to the Generalized Riemann hypothesis (I much prefer my TED talk about holomorphic functions, complex numbers, and gender bias couched in the sociological jargon of Zygmunt Bauman’s fluid modernity). By now it is usually 6:33 am, the time in which I make sweet love to my lover. I orgasm thrice – a standard amount for me. I ask you about your weekend and you say:

“I saw too many butts.”

“I didn’t do anything too crazy.”

“Sometimes I count the charging stations along middle path the way Monk counts parking meters. Am I the only one who watched that show? I know I’m not alone!”

“Wow!” I say. I then give you suggestions of things to do that I’ve already done a handful of times before, because I’m a superhuman like David Haller in that new FX show, Legion, which one specific person will not stop NAGGING me about.

What: From Solidarity to Liberation: An Evening with Aja Monet

  • Come hear poet, performer and activist Aja Monet report back from her trip with a unique delegation of #BlackLivesMatter activist leaders to Palestine, and how we can learn from and support for U.S. and Palestinian freedom movements.

When: Tuesday, March 28 at 7:00pm to 9:00pm

Where: Horn Gal


What: Three Days of Rain” by Richard Greenberg

  • Alex Kirshy and Clara Mooney’s senior thesis, featuring Alex Kirshy, Emma Daily and Chris Stevens in the flesh!!

  • Set in New York, Three Days of Rain centers on a brother Walker, his sister Nan, and their childhood friend Pip who meet to settle their parents’ estate. The two fathers were long-time friends and partners in architecture; their legacy is the brilliantly daring creation, the 1960’s Janeway House. But whose was the guiding hand? In this tense and brittle reunion, much more is at stake than who gets the house.
  • You’ll probably cry.

When: Thursday, March 30 at 8:00pm to 10:30pm, and Saturday, April 1 at 8:00pm to 10:30pm

Where: Hill Theater



What: “You Got Older” by Clare Barron

  • Julia Weinberg and Ben Fisher’s senior thesis, featuring Julia Weinberg, Tristan Biber, Spencer Huffman, Chris Stevens, Cassidy Lu Jones, Lily Schneider, and Ned Thomas none of whom will be in the flesh, because this show is the debut of cutting-edge hologram theater. 

  • When Mae’s dad gets sick at the same moment her life implodes, she ends up moving in with him back home. A tender and darkly comic play about family, illness and fantasy – and how we learn to keep going.
  • You’ll probably cry.
  • I’m kidding about what I said before… will cry. Not kidding about holograms tho. #futurelyfe

When: Friday, March 31 at 8:00pm to 10:30pm, and Sunday, April 2 at 8:00pm to 10:30pm

Where: Hill Theater



2 responses

  1. this is good. i want to thank you becasue it is good, and also it made me laugh. some good shit. i don’t know words that mean ‘good’ but aren’t ‘good’.

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