There’s a storm a-coming! First years, beware, the party of the century is coming your way. Mothers will be shocked. Outfits will be worn. Things will happen, probably good and bad. But before I get into the meat and potatoes of this article, you may be asking, Ari what is Shock Your Mom?

Shock Your Mom is a party put on by the swimming team where attendees are encouraged to don outfits that would “shock” their mothers. Take that as you will.

This year, I want something different. I want something avant-garde, something that will stick out as a party to ~remember~. Gone will be the days of showing skin, wearing wigs, and putting on other garments that your mother would disapprove of. I want something novel and exciting. With that in mind, this is what I want to see instead of Shock Your Mom:

1. Love Your Mom– a party in which everyone drinks and sits in their respective corners. The party progresses to have every attendee dials up their mother and tell them how much they friggin’ love their mommies.
2. Become a Mom– a party in which every willing attendee has the option to adopt a child, pet, or doll that would fulfill the role of a child. Consequently, every attendee can become a mom! Or a guardian, because we’re inclusive here @ The Thrill.
3. Becoming Your Mom– this is different from Become a Mom. We all start to slowly become our respective guardians. This includes wearing pants higher, going to bed earlier, switching from coffee to tea, listening to podcasts, and wearing sensible footwear. Oh, and definitely bringing a sweater to the party if you’re anything like my Jewish mother.
4. ~Shock~ Your Mom–  a party in which everyone puts their mom’s fingers in electrical sockets. Whoever gets the most shocks, wins!! Included at the end of the party is an all expenses paid trip to Mount Vernon Hospital!!!!
5. Don’t Become a Mom– a party in which everyone calls up their representatives to ask for reproductive rights. Your body your choice!!
6. Bring Your Mom– Where? Up to you! A lot of people like to go to the BFEC, to Wiggin. Will this be like parents weekend? Probably!
7. Build a Mom– similar to children’s favorite store, Build a Bear, this will be a party in which you make the momma of your dreams!! Includes stuffing and a heart, and a tune if you wish.
8. Ignore Your Mom– a party in which you act like a preteen shithead, and ignore your mom cause you’re cool and hugging your parents is LAME!!!
9. Name Your Mom– oh how the turn tables….
10. Identify Your Mom– you know those crime shows where they pick the criminal out of a lineup? Similar to that, but with moms. In Old K. With the lights dim and a sticky floor. So similar to a prison I guess.