At Kenyon we love English. We love planning to major in English and then not. We love the vague career path English leads us down when we do major in it. We love the English language that is our mother tongue.

And although we love how much we love English, the intensity of this love can sometimes distract us from what is really going go in the English department. So to clarify what each 100-level English course truly entails read on.

Temptations: Students sit in Sunset Cottage and endure a 50 minute class in which the professor tempts them with lavish delicacies from around the world. Temptations include, but are not limited to: jelly donuts, Groupons, piles of money, and of course the power of the throne. Yes, Game of Thrones is very real and very tempting, even for us liberal arts burn outs. To be clear, this course is not intended for those with the weak minds and morals. Those who successfully refrain from temptation get As, while others settle for Cs—covered in powered sugar from the turkish delight they couldn’t refuse.

Dirt and Disorder: Really just a room with students sitting among different fertilizers and soils arranged in a hap-hazarded manner. This dirt dare not be ordered. Prerequisite: Sand and Untidiness or permission of instructor.

The Assault of Laughter:  You know what they say, “kill em with kindness”, well here at Kenyon we “assault them with laughter”. In Assault of Laughter, laughter ensues in the ears of the English 104 students from dawn until dust. Each student takes it in turn to be both the “assaulter” of laughter as well as the “assaultee”. Additionally, students become familiar with sitcom laugh tracks and the haunting cackles of Heath Ledger’s (RIP) The Joker and Margaret Hamilton’s (no favoritism so also RIP) Wicked Witch of the West.

Writing the Mind: Think this is a typical english course? You’re wrong. Writing the Mind is more of an art installation, typography in biological anthropology with Professor Jesse Matz. Students work with mummified brains, provided by the local Gambier grave robbing gang, to unravel the brain tissue and use it to write the alphabet. While reconfiguring the brains, students minds are in turn unlocked. This course is a prerequisite to Intestine Calligraphy.

What’s Love Got to Do With It?: This course addresses the question: what’s love got to do with it? Bernie Sander’s dons the occasional fuchsia beret; what’s love got to do with it? Philander Chase borrowed my light up sketchers; what’s love got to do with it? President Sean Decatur enjoys eating fruit roll ups on the third floor of Olin; what’s love got to do with it? Students should be able to answer the question: what’s love got to do with it after completing this course, as well as move on to more difficult questions such as: what’s capitalism got to do with it? what’s stalin got to do with it? and what’s syphilis got to do with it?