The Monday Catchup


Here I am. I’m some tampon-holding amalgamation of Garth and Wayne from Wayne’s World. No ketchup bottle either. Sorry.

This is the introduction to the Monday Catchup. This is the place where I type up something snarky about the weekend and then some cute ditty about what is happening this week so you lazy bums know where to show face. Now I could talk about Shock Your Mom, but frankly I have PTSD after seeing one too many butt cheeks. I could talk about the food truck this weekend, but I was sexiled by my roommate and ended up sleeping IN the “Krazy Kurly Fry” food truck. Here I could talk about how my liver resembles the shape, size, and color of an Olin bean-bag, but I…..I’m just going to go drink a beer to forget that*  Well, I guess this is the time when I ask you about your weekend and then you say something along the lines of “it was good.” Therefore, I usually hate your response. What can I say I’m a hard woman to please. The entertainment business isn’t for everyone. Luckily entertainment is my calling. I make up quotes, and you believe them whole heartedly, suckers.

“Bet you $10 His Campus demands that a “Shock Your Dad” party needs to happen.”

“Seeing everyone fully clothed is both a blessing and a curse”

“Shock you mom and fandango on the same night. Good idea?”

Here, I usually acknowledge and accept those nimrod quotes (because I wrote them). My response to the quotes is 50% motherly reassurance and 50% disappointment. Now, I typically call-out one of my friends or family members in a coded message. They are the lucky ones. In this space, I present my findings from 30+ minutes of combing through the Kenyon College Events Calender.

What:  Kenyon Celebration of High-Impact Practices

  • On April 4, Kenyon faculty, staff and students will celebrate intellectual and creative life on campus. High-impact practices include research projects, artistic performances, internships, community-based research and community-engaged learning, senior honors theses, capstone courses and projects, off-campus study, independent study, service learning, first-year seminars and experiences and collaborative assignments and projects.
  • Now I make a comment about the event I’ve listed. This comment is proably about me, because I’m presenting a poster on climate change at this event.

When: Tuesday, April 4 at 11:00am to 1:00pm

Where: KAC

What: Kenyon College Men’s Lacrosse vs The College of Wooster

  • When it comes to mens lacrosse, I talk about the top chedder they serve up on the daily.
  • Because they are playing Wooster, I’ll insert something about how my ex-boyfriend goes to Wooster. Here, I ask myself why I still bring him up. I don’t know the answer, but I try and find it. My search leads me to sour hookups and empty feelings. Where is the sweet, tender love I deserve? I eat a slim jim and forget it all.

When: Tuesday, April 4 at 4:00pm to 7:00pm

Where: McBride Field

What: “The Comedy of Errors” by William Shakespeare

  • “The Comedy of Errors,” William Shakespeare’s shortest play, is based on a farce by the Roman playwright, Plautus. This early play by Shakespeare is a tale of mistaken identity where two sets of twin brothers separated and lost at sea are reunited after many years, but not before hilarious run-ins with each other and mistakes over money, love and imprisonment.
  • I make some remark about the big ol crush this campus has on theater ilk. This comment is spurred by a lot of jealousy. I cry myself to sleep, realizing that when I said “entertainment is my calling” (see above), I lied to myself and to you.

When: April 6, 7, and 8 at 8:00pm to 10:30pm

Where: Bolton Theater

*alcohol has never touched these lips

Big thank you to Yara Al-nouri ’18 for the featured photo this week

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