10 o’clock list: Things I Shouldn’t Have Said in the Kenyon 2020 Facebook Group

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It’s April, which means all the current high school seniors are deciding what college they should go to. Ah, the memories. Just one year ago, I was in that same position. Stressed over not only choosing a college that will make me sound most impressive at future dinner parties, but also struggling to find my social place at a school I hadn’t even gone to yet. Yes, I’m talking about that special circle of hell, prospective college class year Facebook pages. In my blind panic to try to enter college already on friendly terms with people, I admit, I may have gone a little overboard. I regret that.

  • “What are you all brining to campus? I’m looking forward to bringing all of my baby teeth!” Listen: don’t bring your baby teeth to campus. It’s really weird.
  • “What are you all gonna major in? I’m thinking a business major with a secondary education minor!”
  • “Who’s your favorite Kenyon alum? I love David Foster Wallace!” I don’t understand how this school managed to completely assimilate a guy who did not go to this school, probably never considered going to this school, and was on campus for no more than two hours, but we need to stop.
  • “Hey, do you guys wanna live in an NCA senior year? I haven’t even met you yet but I just feel like we’d get along!” 
  • Because of a pending investigation, I cannot tell you the exact quote, but definitely do not confess to a murder.
  • “I cannot wait to vote in a swing state!” This one just feels sad in hindsight.

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