The Monday Catchup


The bottle is back.

April 10th 2017

Boil Alert: Day 5

The day began with gray weather and mild winds from the south east. All but one crew member has the scurvy – hemorrhaging, feverish, and omitting the most vile odors. I fear that my days are numbered. How long must I suffer ingesting this boiled water? How long must my mouth commune with the lifeless lip of a plastic bottle? Even La Croix, in all her purity, has begun to make me sad. Gambier, I love you but you’re bringing me down. Oh! I long to drink crystal waters directly from the faucet. What naive sin! What halcyon pleasure! My tongue greedily licks tears as they fall from my face, desperate to drink of that stream which flows from within. I am all salt, all dry, all crust crumbling to dust. I also found a dollar in my pocket, today. That was nice. What boil alert blessings do you have for me?

“I drank that water anyway. HA! The. Joke. Is. On. Them.”

“I shared a slim jim with someone who has a sore throat. Will I stay healthy?”

“It wasn’t until I read Death of a Salesman the third or fourth time that I really understood the tragedy of it.”

I pray that our future has more boils and less boil alerts. This ship will not go down, dammit. Morale is low; the scurvy can do that. Crew, I suggest you refresh your spirit and mind this week.

What:  Frolfing with Serf and Ransom (Men’s and Women’s Ultimate Frisbee)

  • Come frolf (disc golf) with the members of the men’s and women’s ultimate frisbee teams! We will be starting from the East Wing of Old Kenyon and ending about 60 minutes later outside of Peirce Hall. Extra frisbees will be provided.
  • They’ll probably tell you that a disc can fit four beers.

When: Friday, April 14 at 4:15pm to 5:15pm

Where: Old Kenyon, East Wing (DKE side. DKEs love the D.)


What: Honors Day

  • Honors Day is an annual celebration of the remarkable achievements and dedicated efforts of students, faculty members, and others in the community during the academic year. It also serves as an occasion for awarding honorary degrees to alumni and others in the Kenyon family who have distinguished themselves in their careers and in service to their communities.
  • I’m going to be awarded the Roy L. Smith prize for best personality.
  • Looks: 6/10
  • Personality: 12/10
  • The Kenyon College Chamber Singers will be there. They sound good.

When: Tuesday, April 11 at 11:10am (Let’s be honest. You won’t go.) 

Where: Rosse


What: “Silence” Screening

  • The Cinearts Filmmaker Series presents a screening of Martin Scorsese’s “Silence” followed by a Q&A with the screenwriter, Jay Cocks ’66.
  • I’ve got a bone to pick with you, Mr. Cocks. Why isn’t this a silent film, huh? Pretty misleading title in my opinion.

When: Wednesday, April 12 at 6:00pm to 10:00pm

Where: Gund Gallery

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