BREAKING (my heart) NEWS: Earl Sweatshirt Isn’t Coming to Sendoff; Somewhere in L.A. Jon Hamm Laughs Conspiratorially

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on my unbridled joy and fervor that a member of Odd Future– the one and only Earl Sweatshirt, the man behind the best verse on one of my favorite songs, namesake of my favorite article of clothing–would grace us with his presence at this barren wasteland we call a home.

So much for all the GOLFWANG apparel we purchased. Good news though, in the event of a power outage, wifi issue and a boil alert, feel free to set fire to all of your fan apparel and boil your potentially contaminated water above the flames of your charred hopes and dreams.

In honor of Earl, I’m going get up off the pavement and brush the dirt off my psyche,  by which I mean drink copiously until this pain in my heart subsides.

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