Ah, Summer Send-Off. What a time. What a night. Jam-packed full of those good-time collegiate memories you’ll always treasure. Except for, actually, you can’t really remember any of it. Like, at all. Luckily, I’ve compiled and posted publicly this list of all the things you did during Send-Off that you don’t quite remember.

• You went into Leonard at one point. I don’t know why. You don’t live in Leonard. None of your friends live in Leonard. What were you doing?
• Brass Tracks went to an after party at some NCA and you asked them if they were aware that they were basically that John Legend band in La La Land that was supposed to be the death of jazz or something. Super embarrassing.
• You bought a sweatshirt from the bookstore and named it Earl. Later in the night you lost it in the crowd and started talking all about your abandonment issues.
• You got the free onion rings, thought you accidentally stole them, and tried to give them back. I’m pretty sure in the end you just threw them in the general direction of the window and left.
• You ran around the perimeter of the Send-Off area three times before falling on the ground, clutching the grass, and whispering, “I’m trapped. Just leave me here. Just leave me here.”
•  You ran into one of your friends and referred to them with the formal “Mrs.”
• You passed out by, like, 9:30. It’s okay, buddy. You had a big day.