You’re not sure whether you’re about to vomit from stress, anxiety induced nausea, or your new diet of Red Bull, market tuna sandwiches, and cigarettes. Welcome to finals week! Here’s the fun part: us here at the Thrill have been listening. We’ve overheard all the nonsense that has come out of your crusty mouths. Behold, Overheard at Kenyon: Finals Week Edition.

“That’s the single most narcissistic thing I’ve heard all week…and I go to Kenyon!”

“I don’t want to see you tonight and I’m afraid that’s just not possible.”

“You think there’s a pony on this campus everyday? Most it’s just depression.”

“I’ll go on a celebratory bender, don’t worry.”

“I have to go fill up my glass…fill up glass…Philip Glass?”

“Part of my appeal is that you look at me and you think, ‘he could look better.'”

“I’m thriving I swear.”

“I heard Earl had a show in Italy or New York but also he had bronchitis?”

“I just really want a stigmata.”

“Why aren’t our bodies louder? You know? Blood is going everywhere and we don’t hear a dang thing!”

“Now I’m more afraid of my asshole than ever.”

“Was Jesus woke?” // “He was born in Zero, cut him some slack.”

“Who’s the guy who shot Reagan?” // “Richard Linklater?” // “No. John Hinckley!”

“CAN’T YOU JUST RIDE YOUR BROOM TO CLASS?!”

“Al-Qaeda is the Aeropostale of terror groups.”