The Monday Catchup

Dear class of 2021,

Congratulations! You’re here! You did it! Each and everyone of you is very, very smart. Or  could afford a very, very smart SAT tutor. Despite the trials of applying — the listless agony of not writing the Kenyon supplement  — you probably came from a wealthy enough school district to make your application shine!  But, who really cares. You’re in the club now. Your K-card photo is still reflective of how you look in real life (just give it some time), and yeah, you DO know who pinegrove is. Great. Time to take advantage of the diverse academic and social landscape Kenyon has to offer. Weekend activities are probably the best manifestation of Kenyon’s commitment to diversity. You get to choose between drinking, smoking, partying, or all of the above. Don’t like it? Let others subtly ostracize you socially. To further bolster my point, let’s see how people enjoyed this past weekend

“My first drink of the night was strawberries and cream tequila. My last drink of the night was beer from a bag.”

“Four words: undercover campus safety car.”

“Five (more) words: dixie cups full of beer”

Take me home, undercover campus safety car. If you need anything call campus safety or look at this list I made for you. Both options are fun, but one includes more undercover campus safety cars.

What: Climb-a-Tree and Tubing

  • Climb-a-Tube and Treeing
  • D-Cat cannot climb this tree, but he gives it a good shot. Don’t believe me? Ask around.

When:  Saturday, September 9 at 12:00pm to 4:00pm

Where: BFEC (Meet at the river access parking lot at the corner of Laymon and 229)


What: Biology Seminar Series: Robert Mauck

  • One of those professors that mostly scares you even though he is quite kind.
  • Do you know the answer to the question “Climate and a long-lived seabird: what can 50 years of data tell us?” No? Then go.

When: Thursday, September 7 at 4:10pm

Where: Higley



  • DIFBS, n. : Stands for Day I Foresee Being Sad. Based on my workload, hormone levels, and the world’s bee population numbers, I foresee an emotional break. Bring a tampon if you visit.

When: Thursday, September 8 at 7:00 pm

Where: oh just wherever


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