If my memory serves me correctly, September started just one short week ago. Which means that there’s about two weeks before the Equinox. Which means, of course, that it is not technically Fall. Still, some of the trees on campus insist that it is Fall and that they should go ahead and change the colors of their leaves.

Nuh-uh, buddy. Not so fast. I’m here to shame you into staying green for a little while longer.

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you look pretty stupid when just one of your sweet tendrils is turning brown. Go big or go home, tree. And don’t you dare go home until September 22nd.

My Guy, Why Don’t You Try a Little Harder? You’ve got multiple things going wrong, all at once, as if this was actually the correct time to be shedding your leaves. Try again, pal.

Like a friend burning bridges, you cannot undo what has already been done. You’ve truly outdone yourself, you stupid tree. You’ll never get those leaves back. You’ll be naked until April.