10 o’clock list: People Who Could be the Anonymous Donor of the $75 Million

Life is full of mysteries: could you conceivably rehydrate a raisin into a grape? Where did Amelia Earheart go? Who shot JFK? And okay, yes, it’s probably just good ol’ Graham Gund who donated the $75 million, but also maybe it’s not…

Here’s a few potential donors:

  1. The Amish Mafia. If you don’t know who they are consider yourself lucky.
  2. The Medici Family.
  3. BP Oil. You never know. The oil industry is an untamed, terrible place, but maybe they’re trying to change their image and help a tiny college out. Never underestimate a wildcard possibility.
  4. The Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation. According to Wikipedia the foundation’s purposes are healthcare and EDUCATION. THAT’S US.
  5. Philander Chase. He left the money to us in his will, which was only now discovered in an empty Keystone can floating down the Kokosing River. His last will and testament read, “$75 million. This will do.”
  6. World Wildlife Fund. Possibly trying to protect and preserve the habitat of elite, white children?
  7. No one. D-Cat won it gambling. Unconfirmed. Probably false true.

Anything is possible my friends. Expect for at Kenyon College where Graham Gund reigns supreme.

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