The Most Eligible Crow Bachelors of Kenyon College

Matchmaker, matchmaker, match me a catch! Match me a match, find me a catch! That’s right, folks. It’s our first semester back at Kenyon and love is in the air. I know that things can really suck for all you gorgeous single pringles out there, but don’t worry! I have a solution to your temporary bout of solitude! Today I am proud to present you with the most eligible crow bachelors of Kenyon College! These lovebirds are casting their beady little eyes on the student populace, searching for someone to call their own. Perhaps your other half has been right under your nose this entire time (or above– birds go up in the sky). Are you ready to meet these fabulous feathered fiends? Then let’s get started!

(Portraits drawn by that pigeon who snuck into Gund Gallery that one time)

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Name: Clayton Darkfeather

  • Hangs out in the graveyard
  • Writes angsty poetry
  • Likes cosplaying as the raven from Edgar Allen Poe’s “The Raven”

 

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Name: Barnaby Sicklebeak

Nickname: Beaky

  • Has amassed an enormous collection of lost K-Cards (gotta catch ’em all)
  • Understands the basic laws of commerce
  • His favorite band is Counting Crows

 

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Name: Derek Cawford IV

  • Promises that his cat-cawing is “just a compliment”
  • Likes sitting in that tree outside Peirce with his murder
  • Is a member of the popular avian acapella group, the KawKawsingers

 

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Name: Cawdelia Blackwing

  • Heir to a large pile of shiny pennies equal to the cost of tuition for the average Kenyon student
  • Modeled for the Admissions Office crow statue (that one on the far left— no, not that one, that one)
  • Can often be found taking “puddle-selfies” after it has rained (like mirror selfies, except with puddles)

 

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Name: Leopold Sharpcry

Nickname: Leo

  • Likes to catch frogs by the Kokosing (quirky but charming) and eat them (quirky and admittedly less charming)
  • Is a big fan of stargazing (so… shiny…)
  • His bathroom cost more than $40,000 to build (he poops on nice cars belonging to wealthy Kenyon students)
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