Like many women, I quickly realized that the only thing that could be more thrilling than pouring the period blood from my DivaCup down the drain was pouring a DivaCup shot of alcohol down my throat. Here are some period-themed shots to take out of your menstrual cup to make that time of the month just a little more fun and flirty.
- The Tampon JagerBomb: saturate a tampon in Jagermeister, fill your menstrual cup with red bull, fling the tampon into the menstrual cup, take the shot while also swallowing the tampon whole.
- The Red Kokosing Farewell: It’s rumored that the Kokosing River is one of the cleanest rivers in Ohio and I say there’s only one way to find out. What’s worse? Cholera or period poops? Let’s experience both. River shot babyyyy.
- The Bloody Bloody Mary: Thanks to your menstrual cup, you didn’t start your day by waking up in the center of a Japanese flag. Celebrate with a Bloody Bloody Mary. Add a splash of vodka to whatever blood your menstrual cup has collected overnight, and knock back that shot of achievement.
- Liquid Steak: Bacardi and a few drops of menstrual blood for that umami flavahhh.
- The PMS: a shot of Skol Vodka followed by a titty punch delivered by your bartender. Your body is betraying you. Your alcohol choice will betray you. Your alcohol provider is just carrying on the metaphor.
- The Prairie Ova: Another month, another eggo left unpreggoed. Crack a raw egg over a shot of bourbon. It doesn’t matter what kind of egg it is—chicken, frog, gator, quail, or otherwise—as long as it’s unfertilized. Add a dash of Tabasco sauce to taste.
- The Cove (RIP): Listen. What better metaphor is there for the shedding of your uterine lining than the screaming of hundreds of drunk college students trashing your insides? Someone rips the metaphorical bathroom sink off of your uterine wall. Another someone punches holes repeatedly into your abdomen. You are abandoned with a hollowness that reeks of stale beer, left to await your impending demolition. Is the Yee Old Cove (RIP) not a metaphor for every time of the month? Is the Yee Old Cove (RIP) not a metaphor for us all? Take a shot of your own tears on the bones where this Great Institution (The Cove (RIP)) once stood. Raise your cup to her eternal glory.