It began, as all things do, at 11 am in Kenyon’s subterranean slop haus — Marriott dining room. Our editorial staff had just finished assigning weekly posts, and the conversation slid into dangerous territory. “What are you going to be for halloween, Mia?” one of those scabby daily editors dared to ask me (it was Chris Raffa just FYI). Huh. The thought had never occurred to me before this, truly. I was too busy thinking about the pebble lodged in the foot bed of my Converse, the hot n’ fresh C+ on my Chemistry exam, and the particularly nasty pimple on my ass (we all have our own issues. hop off.) to think about halloween dress up. I typed frantically into my search bar on the computer screen in front of me. The only result for “Halloween Costume, DIY, funny” was an avalanche of “Sexy” costumes: sexy nurse, sexy girl scout, sexy pizza rat.
Let’s be honest, I knew this would happen. You knew this would happen.
Every year we hear the same joke about the hilarity of commercialized, sexed up hot dogs and mechanics. Old. News. I’m looking for new frontiers. I think I stumbled upon one…maybe. What about Halloween music? It seems dichotomized by scary white-noise-sound-effects and tongue-in-cheek ditties about blobs and ghouls. But do some extra digging and you’ll stumble upon the sexy halloween that no one asked for, but that everyone deserves. I decided to showcase the steamiest halloween tunes for you. Enjoy!
I’m Your Boogie Man – KC & The Sunshine Band
I’ll ease you into sexy halloween with this classic. I struggle a lot with this song. The line is SO funky. The lyrics are SO cheesy. “I’m your boogie man. Turn me on.” No thanks.
Freaky rating: 2/5
You’re So Dark – Arctic Monkeys
- Alex Turner is a snack.
- Pause and consider this line:
” I saw your driving your Prius
And even that was Munster Koach-esque”
I’m feeling things.
Freaky rating: 4/5
Psycho Killer – Talking Heads
Sultry, stomping bass sets an excellent pace for bumping and grinding. You can “réalisant mon espoir” any day baby.
Freaky rating: 3.5/5
Black Magic Woman – Fleetwood Mac
Ok, admittedly not the freakiest, but certainly a musical freak. Freak my ears. OOOH.
Freaky rating: 1.5/5