Pictured above: the evil work of Editor Chris

So here’s the deal. We have undoubtably reached the point in the semester wherein everything feels like it is rapidly spiraling downhill. I haven’t seen the sun in at least 17 days, I’ve been told on multiple occasions that my Mather single smells like a barbershop (???), and one of my professors confessed she thought I was a completely different student on the roster 6 weeks into the school year. Yikes. No matter how many curveballs my semesters at Kenyon have thrown my way, there is always one thing I can count on. I will probably get a rash.

So…yeah. Here’s a list of things of the things on this campus that have given me a rash.

1. The Health Center. Picture this: first year Erica. Finals week. Body wrecked with pneumonia. Has pulled at least 3 all-nighters. Time has literally lost all meaning (Note: to this day I still do not have the time displayed on my laptop sidebar because of this period). After being dragged to the health center by a concerned friend who stopped me on Middle Path, (“Erica…are you…alive?”) I received the iconic Health Center combination of a bag filled with cough drops and individually wrapped tylenols plus a Z-pack. While that Z-pack did not manage to give me the strength necessary to carry through the rest of the semester (I wound up at the Knox County Hospital), it did give me a rash across my entire body. So dope!
2. The Weather. I don’t know what this is about, but any slight change in weather at Kenyon College results in my armpit skin deciding it no longer wanting to be a part of my body. It rains, my armpit peels. It’s hot? My armpits flake off. The wind blows? My armpit is molting.
3. Every Deodorant I Have Ever Tried. I’ve gone through 4 deodorants this semester alone. This is less of a joke and much more a cry for help. Please. Oh god. Please.
4. The Kokosing. Last year, I found myself skinny-dipping in the Kokosing with relative frequency, as most difficult workweeks ended with me sitting in Peirce declaring to no one in particular “I swear to God, if I’m not buttass naked baptizing myself in the Kokosing by the end of the night, I’m transferring.” Most nights, I stayed true to my word. Most mornings, I woke up itchy.
5. We Live in a Cartoon College and I Am a Cartoon Human. Last semester, I threw up on middle path after simply eating a chocolate bar too quickly. The next morning, I woke up with a rash on my neck. So yeah, there’s that.