Freshmen drops Intro Bio after confusing words organism and orgasm

Over the past week, the Registrar has processed a flood of mulligans (withdraw lates) as students receive their failing midterm exams and papers. While some sophomores and juniors dropped orgo and said goodbye to all hopes and dreams of ever going pre-med, English majors mulliganed their Intro Econ classes after finally realizing success was impossible without basic multiplication and division. But amidst the crushed futures and failed QRs, one mulligan stood out among the rest.

Last Thursday, Professor Cloitus’s Intro Biology class of fourteen became thirteen after Nadthaniel Go ’21 (name has been minorly altered to preserve privacy) majorly goofed and referred to an “organism” as an “orgasm” throughout the entirety of his class presentation. “I can never show my face in a Kenyon science class again,” said Go, who, before the incident, was sitting at a 97% in the class. “I’m actually considering transferring,” Go shared.

“Yeah it was pretty embarrassing,” said Professor Cloitus when asked to comment on the situation.

Whether or not Nadthaniel will return to Gambier in the spring, one thing is for sure: Nadthaniel Go isn’t the first and certainly won’t be the last in committing a fatal organism/orgasm Freudian slip. Such an occurrence is so common that it has come to be known as the Orgasm Fatality within the Kenyon biology department. “There’s always at least one per semester,” stated Professor Penish, head of the department. “I get it. I used to be an English major before I accidentally pronounced literary analysis as ‘cliterary analeases.’ You just don’t come back from a shit up–whoops, I meant slip up–like that. ”

 

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