Dumbest Thing I Ever Did: First Year Intros

Picture this: August, 2014, fresh from Outdoors Pre-O, but not yet through the weird-but-friendly social hellscape that is First Year Orientation. So many new people in a relatively new place. Just as David Foster Wallace once professed, “this is water” as a call to clarity in the face of oppressing banality, I was strikingly aware of the voice in the back of my head that said “these are going to be your friends for the next four years, make a good impression or be left by the wayside.”I left Outdoors Pre-O feeling pretty good about the people that I’d met there. I also knew that the likelihood we’d all remain friends past Orientation Week was pretty slim. Already feeling like my friendships were slipping away, I knew these first few days of college had a lot on the line.

So I did what any first year would do. I dressed to impress, I put on my game face, and talked in a register that was probably not even close to what my normal human voice sounded like. As we meandered about in our UCC groups before meeting our halls, I felt pretty good – my UCC had, after all, complimented my pants. Needless to say, my hard work was starting to pay off.

My CA decided to have our first ever hall meeting on the lawn outside Lewis because it was a beautiful summer day. The sun was setting, we’d established some shaky foundations for friendships, and we acted like we knew what the hell was going on. Honestly, I was feeling pretty good. That was, until we had to go around and introduce ourselves to every girl who lived on the hall.

Suddenly, I forgot every single one of my interests. I couldn’t remember anything about myself besides the fact that my name was Kenda. It was exactly like that moment in Glee when Rachel Berry choked on her very important audition for NYADA, almost blowing her chance. Of course, Rachel Berry came out on top. I, on the other hand, did not.

I can’t tell you exactly what I said when I introduced myself. The only thing I remember is that at some point I uttered the words, “I like to make people laugh.” I knew right then and there that I’d go down in history as Kenyon’s lamest first year. And there was truly nothing I could do about it.

So, there you have it. The dumbest thing I ever did. It still haunts me to this day.

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