Pre-Peircegiving: What are you Peirceful for? I’m Peirceful for the sweet promise of sleep, for asparagus, and free refills. I’m Peirceful for clearance sections, textbook buyback, and bad television, too. But you know what I’m most Peirceful for? Peircegiving, baby. Where I can chug as much smashed potatoes as my sinful little heart can tolerate.
4:30ish: You know what’s the Peirce that keeps on Peircing? Well actually I’m at the KAC now because I consider it a kind of repentance for the total abject punishment I’m about to put my body through. KACsgiving really doesn’t have the same ring, you know? Why did our Lords and Ladies in Heaven Peircegive us these squishy and fragile vessels (i.e. the body) if they’re so fun to treat irresponsibly? I’m Peirceful for elliptical machines and Demi Lovato and unirony.
5:45: Now I’m in the shower. I realize Peircegiving hasn’t like officially started in my life but I carry Peircegiving in my heart everywhere on this day of feast and community and sharp increase in Diner Dashers orders. I’m Peirceful for the conveniences of late stage capitalism but none of the suffering it causes.
At 6:03, Elise Tran chimes in with “I have brought my ass to peircegiving. Thankful for none of you. Obstacles to my dinner.”
6:15: Tyler’s back. This is just a reminder that, as you raise your cholesterol this fine Finter (Fall + Winter) eve, you should also raise love in your hearts for all your fellow Peircegivers and Peircetakers. Some of us are only children (like, the only child in our family, you know?) so we don’t know the guilt and hardship of all those times you punched your sister’s teeth out for the last slice of pecan pie. I’m sorry, Vicky. We should forgive each other on this Peircegiving. Unless you’re Chad, from Chemistry. Never forgive what Chad did.
6:54: I’m finally here, peers. The band’s instruments are unsupervised. I am sitting next to an actual literal blender in Peirce. I have three separate slices of pie. It truly is anarchy. I said “Let’s say grace” at the table. We all join hands. Mollie says “Grace.” We eat. It is good. I’ve already burped twice.
7:06: Band starts playing. Words get lost in the sound swamp. Sofia: “I’m thankful I don’t have to talk to you guys.” 10 burps?
7:31: I want to use the avocado chocolate gluten free pie as a face mask. I want to smother my face in pie. I think it would cleanse my naughty naughty pores. I am Peirceful for skin care and cover bands, even if they’re not the best.