Guess who’s back, pitches! It’s me, the healthiest girl in the world, here to tell you why I am not sick and therefore better than you in every way. I know that you were looking for some compassion and maybe the notes for the class you missed, but all I have for you is a list of things that kept me from being where you are right now, with one foot in the grave and one foot on some middle path pebbles.

1. Vitamin C
2. Vitamin D
3. Vitamin B
4. Turmeric capsules
5. A gummy multivitamin
6. Calcium Magnesium Zinc with Vitamin D
7. Fish oil
8. Folic Acid
9. Biotin
10. My immune system is very strong because I played in the woods as a child and maybe ate dirt?
11. I got a flu shot (probably not the reason but I’m including it just in case!)