Things I Realized Over Winter Break Are Only Socially Acceptable at Kenyon

I’ve had a hunch for a while that I’ve slowly developed a mild version of Stockholm Syndrome with Kenyon College. It comes on slowly, starting with a positive sentiment towards living in a one-and-a-half restaurant town. It finally becomes incurable with the onset of a nose ring infatuation and a sensation of terror because of the abundance of tampon options at the local Trader Joe’s. Since there are very few similarities between rural Ohio and Houston (besides the raging conservatives), I am reminded over breaks that there are a lot of things that are ONLY socially acceptable on Kenyon’s campus and are fully bizarre out in the real world:

  1. Running into seven people you know pretty well in your therapist’s waiting room
  2. Shitting on John Green and Josh Radnor like they’re not B-list celebrities
  3. Quite literally knowing every single person in the coffee shop
  4. Dressing like a runaway cult member from a Minnesota farm
  5. Completely ignoring acquaintances when you pass them on the street
  6. Pouring all of your excess liquid from your meals into a communal trough bucket
  7. Five months of hooking up either resulting in one Peirce meal together or a Common-law marriage
  8. Believing you’re a DJ
  9. Comparing the dosage of your anti-depressants with your friends like you’re trading Pokémon cards
  10. An overwhelming amount of beige interior

Welcome back, Kenyon. Enjoy your diet of Panera Bread and Blundstones.






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