Students awoke to a disturbing sight on Saturday morning. A fault line laying directly under Middle Path had ruptured, leaving six injured and seven deeply disturbed. The seismic shaking was so violent that the campus split into two halves. No longer will students delineate between north campus and south campus. Rather, the deliniation exists between east and west campus. Makeshift bridges made of peirce cups have slowly been errected to ensure safe passage between the two sides. Just as with walking on the Peirce seal, rumor has it that if you fall into the chasm you won’t graduate. You will also die.

How was your weekend?

“My best friend fell into the chasm.”

“The Chasms are a new acapella group on campus. Their sound is ressonant, deep, and dark.”

“I never leave my room so nothing really matters to me.”

Safe travels arcoss campus! If you choose to go to the following, I’ll be waiting. No chasm for me!

What:  Fandango

• Lol
• C U later seniors

When: Friday, February 9 at 7:30pm to 9:30pm

Where: Gund commons (or gund.com)

What: Sad cry

• You sofly weeping
• at Fandango

When: riday, February 9 at 7:30pm to 9:30pm

Where: See above.