Is This Kenyon or Russia?

oldkenyonaerial.jpeg     It makes sense that people are worried about our government having illegal ties with Russia with all the turmoil and investigations going on in Washington D.C. However, all those scandals in the White House are simply distracting us from the real scandal going on here at Kenyon.  See, there is some very compelling evidence that implies that suggests that the Kremlin has taken a special interest in this small liberal arts college in the middle of Ohio. I know, I know, it’s shocking, heartbreaking even, but unfortunately, it’s true. Forget about all that Illuminati confirmed bullshit, this is where the real conspiracy is at.

  1. Wonder who that mysterious $75 million dollar donation was from? We all know that Putin’s favorite number is 75. In the words of the late great Avril Lavigne (yes she died and was replaced by a clone) “She was a small liberal arts college, he was a “diplomatically elected” Russian president, can I make it anymore obvious?”
  2. If you look at an aerial image of the mod pods recently installed, they spell out  “Russia 4 Evah.”
  3. The words “Decatur” and “Kremlin” have the same amount of letters. Coincidence?
  4. Everyone always talks about how Gambier, Ohio bears a striking resemblance to Moscow. It’s mainly the cornfields but also the high density of extreme wealth in the middle of vast amounts of poverty. I smell an Oligarch.
  5. If all that hard evidence isn’t compelling enough, here is a direct quote from the Kenyon Website about the Russian department students. “They have worked in the American Embassy in Moscow” Mmmmhmmm.


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