Spoiler Alert: She didn’t take any of them! Not out of lack of love or trust, but just because they fell short of her vision, artistically speaking. Stop-motion animation is, perhaps, one of the most difficult artistic crafts in the movie and art-making game, which is why I am so utterly impressed that some of my fellow compatriots are making fantastic feature short films from what we know as the cradle of civilization, Gambier, OH. How these studio art kids find artistic (divine?) inspiration in this tiny town is frankly beyond me. So of course, I gotta take some type of crack at it! God, this might be for a pretty niche audience but I think it’s working.

1. Make an animation of a day in the life of a boy living in one of the bullseyes of Old Kenyon. Particularly, an in-depth sequence of the fraternity brother attempting the formidable task of cleaning the damn room. Everybody loves a slice of life feature that gets at the core of man’s everyday challenges and shortcomings.
2. Stop-motion of me doing the gross stuff I do in the room while she is there but when I think she isn’t looking. Probably would be just me picking my nose and obsessively moisturizing the entire surface of my body.
3. Animation of Kenyon students at Pizza with the President. Only way I’ll actually find out what goes down in those seedy gatherings that claim to have “pizza” and an “intimate dialogue.”
4. Destruction of Olin-Chalmers Library: A poignant tribute to the place we complain about the most, in terms of its departure from our lives and looming existence until finals stop and we can all do what we truly need, return to our respective homes.
5. Create a stop-motion animation of Josh Radnor’s movie, Liberal Arts. We love making fun of Liberal Arts in Gambier. But, also the name Zibby for an adult woman would make a lot more sense if she were animated.

P.S. PLEASE ATTEND THE STOP-MOTION ANIMATION CLASS’S FINAL PRESENTATION. GUND GALLERY COMMUNITY THEATER. SUNDAY. MAY 6, 2018. 4PM.

P.P.S. THIS MAY HAVE BEEN A GIFT TO MY ROOMIE TO HELP HER MAKE TO THE END OF HER FREAKING FINAL PROJECT FOR THIS CLASS.