With the boarding up of Olin and Chalmers Library and a robust first-year class to boot, Kenyonites this year find themselves scrambling for coveted study spaces. Where are we to weep over esoteric theory readings? How will we disrupt our peers with our ill-timed and ill-placed procrastination chatter? Fret not, children, for though God Gund taketh, he also giveth us a hundred yards of free, fresh, plywood real estate. And thus the turf wars to end all turf wars was born! Who will conquer the campus’ great ass wall? Here are a few of our favorite picks:

1. The Kenyon Art Department: word on the street is that they’re planning something big, something that starts with the letter “M” and vaguely rhymes with “urinal.”
2. The Lighthouse Art Collective: They seem to have gotten some early footing on wall territory, but will their monopoly on melancholy public art last? Only time will tell.
3. The Kenyon Rock Climbing Team: “This will do.”
4. Banksy wannabes: Get ready for three years of bad and uninspired spray paintings
5. The Mongols: Kublai Khan wakes from his seven hundred year slumber as we speak. That boy just loves a good wall!
6. Graham Gund: He’s determined to write his name on every erect structure on campus! No place is safe!
7. Vandals who still think penis drawings are original: do you really want the reaction people have when confronted with a penis to be laughter? I really doubt masculinity is resilient enough for that.