With all the construction it’s pretty hard to tell what’s actually being accomplished.
Some might say it’s impossible in fact. Especially for a first-year who has a lot of other things to think about.
This is the story of one woman’s journey to see how outlandish of construction projects she could convince first-years to take a stance on. (Deep thanks go out to all the first-years interviewed for being good sports and generally hilarious people).
MEET YOUR FIRST-YEARS
Evan W. : Very accommodating, believes Starbucks can be whoever it wants to be.
Keiran L. : Hates corporate America, likes hobbits. A good sport!
Saruman (the unnamed first-year): Preferred to be anonymous. Likes rodents. Thinks we can learn from the ants.
Interviewer: So, you know they’re building a new library; how do you feel about the fact that they’re taking extra time to put a Starbucks inside of it?
Evan W. : “Ah, I wasn’t aware of that. Um.. [9 second pause] I’m really not an expert in this….but…ya know…. maybe that’s not the best play. Also because if you put the Starbucks in there it’s like /in there/. Whereas if you put it on the street it could become something else.”
Keiran L. : “A Starbucks in the library? I think Corporate America is overstepping their bounds.”
Saruman: “I guess the novelty of it is cute. But like, we could probably be spending the money on other things?”
Interviewer: There’s been a lot of positive responses to the study spaces opened up by having mods on campus. How do you feel about the plan to make the mods a permanent structure by bracing the outside with a concrete layer and putting fake birds on top to match the ones on Ransom Hall?
Keiran L. : “I wouldn’t be in favor of them being there permanently. With Crows?? I’m still gonna have to be anti mod. As much as I love crows.”
Evan W. : “I’m sorry? Birds?”
Interviewer: You know the fake birds on top of Ransom hall? Yeah they’re gonna get a bunch of those to match and just chuck ’em on top of the mods.
Evan W. : “Is this a prank?”
Saruman: “Okay so the mods are useful but they’re SO UGLY! I’ve seen photos of the campus before there were mods and it just was the same but it didn’t have these big gray blobs! Which was nice!”
Interviewer: So you know we live in a cold state. When they make the new quad they’re planning to put tunnels underneath connecting the english buildings to one another. How do you feel about that?
Evan W. : “Oh cool! *chewing* Soundssounds good to me. Yeah, I’m pro tunnel.”
Keiran L. : “Oh yeah the tunnels. Yeah that sounds like a good idea…. Is it just gonna be in the english quad?”
Interviewer: Unsure. There was talk of also having one from Pierce to Old K.
Keiran L. : “Wow. That’s gonna be a long tunnel.”
Saruman: “That actually seems pretty cool. I don’t know if it should be exclusive to just the english quad though I guess that could cost a lot of money.”
Interviewer: So you want more tunnels?
Saruman: “Yeah, I want to live underground.”
Interviewer: So you’re in favor of Kenyon becoming a tunnel based campus?
Saruman: “We’re just gonna live like naked mole rats basically.”
Interviewer: So I don’t know if you saw that email where they said they’re going to be putting excess dirt from the construction of the new library onto the KAC hill to level it out, but there was just recently a follow up email where they mentioned plans to create new study spaces by creating hobbit hole like grovels in the hill so we can study inside the ground and take advantage of geothermal energy.
Keiran L. : “Yeah! I think that sounds like a cool idea. That hill is kind of barren so like… make use of the space. I am pro hobbit hole! Bag end.”
Saruman: “I mean it could turn out okay. But at the same time it could just be like, inconvenient. I feel like there are enough study spaces around campus as it is.”
Interviewer: So the hobbit holes would just be excessive?
Saruman: “I mean it just makes me feel more like I’m in The Shire.”
Interviewer: Is that a positive or a negative?
Saruman: “Neither? It’s fine. I’m cool with being like ants and living underground but I don’t feel like we can really run out of study spaces and I don’t know if we need even more in the ground?”
Interviewer: Also they’re talking about extending the pierce pub to be more of a club/discotheque area. Thoughts?
Saruman: “So I’ve been using that place a lot as a place to study.”
Interviewer: Would you study in a club?
Saruman: “Well… I would try it. Once. I don’t think it would go well.”
Interviewer: How do you feel about the extension going on the front of Sean Decatur’s house with a glass front so we can watch him like a zoo animal?
Saruman: “I find that really interesting. I’d be intrigued.”
Interviewer: The sociology department is really pushing this long term thing where we can like monitor the Decatur family.
Saruman: *expression of mild shock*
So there you have it folks. The class of 2022 is loud and proud, and they are making their ideas known. They are pro-tunnel and they don’t care who knows it!
Special thanks to all who were interviewed and agreed to share their interviews!