We’ve all been there, it’s a birthday party for a friend of a friend or hosted by a club you just joined. You get there thirty minutes late because you don’t want to be the first person there but when you arrive there are only four people in the room. The Franzia has just been opened and everybody is still profoundly sober. You know you can’t just stand by the door awkwardly, you have to make chit chat. Small talk. Exchange pleasantries. It’s a nightmare. But never fear, below are a few conversation starters to help you get through the night.

There are the classics you can stick to:

1. What’s your major?
2. What’s your favorite Pierce dessert?
3. Where are you from? Wait. Let me guess, New York? L.A.?

Feeling bold?  Cover the controversial subjects:

4. What are your thoughts on the robust first year class?
5. Who do you think was the anonymous $75 million donor?
6. I love a good all student email, don’t you?

Dare to shock:

7. Fuck, marry, kill: Josh Radner, Graham Gund, John Green.
8. I actually don’t think our tuition is high enough.
9. I kind of like that we’re a college without a library, it makes us different from all the other small liberal arts schools.