It’s October! The leaves are changing, you’re realizing that you shouldn’t have skipped that week of Modern Quest readings, and your once-perfect skin is beginning its annual shedding. With the cold weather comes dry skin and, boy, this year it’s looking rough. Your Glossier moisturizer has dried up and your $30 Organic Spirulina Gluten-Free Foaming Face Mask has grown spots of its own, so what can you do? This wouldn’t be a problem if you had access to a Lush or even the Target skin care aisle, but the closest thing in Gambier is the Burt’s Bees section in the Bookstore and, let’s be honest, your frequent VI trips have left you with a measly $3.44 on your K-Card. I guess you’ll just have to eat away your sorrows in… That’s it! Peirce! It’s time to game the system and make your meal plan work for you and your face.
The first mask in this three-step facial involves plain oatmeal and the organic honey from the tea station. According to the useless file of skin care information I’ve been storing in my brain for the past decade, the oatmeal will soothe and moisturize your skin while the honey’s antibacterial properties will get rid of that hopefully counteract falling asleep in a layer of glitter after Deb Ball.
Next, take some yogurt (good for your face and your gut!) and mix with a bowl full of knock-off Fruity Pebbles. The lactic acid in the yogurt will exfoliate away your flakey skin and the cereal will give your face some color now that your tan from studying in Adirondacks is beginning to fade. This combo is also perfect for a mid-mask snack! Just make sure that you don’t swallow any of the snowfall of shedding skin.
Now, for the final mask! Walk over to the Gluten-Free fridge and grab some fresh eye of newt and toe of frog for some anti-aging action. If the International station has wool of bat, grab that as well, and then ask around the Dessert section for tongue of dog, adder’s fork, blind-worm’s sting, lizard’s leg, and howlet’s wing. The adder’s fork can be hard to come by but I think it’s also carried at the Market. Happy masking!