NATE’S COOKBOOK: PUMPKIN PIE

chef 2

Hey everyone, believe it or not, I am back with another entry in Nate’s Cookbook! I definitely did not deliver on the whole scrambled eggs thing a while back, but hey, apparently I got close enough to the mark to warrant a second go, which I really appreciate. So, anyway, ’tis Brunch once more, and it’ s also October, my favorite month because of all the leaves and ghouls and such. But some people love October for the autumn-specific chow.

So, pumpkin pie I guess. Let’s get into it.

Pie For the Ghost Month:

  1. Come to Terms With Things: Here’s the deal, I don’t like pumpkin pie. Like, at all. I’m a huge fan of apple, and I’m always down for some french silk or whatever, but pumpkin has never been a favorite of mine. It’s not the worst (banana cream pie can get fucked entirely) but it’s definitely not the best. So step one for you and for me is becoming okay with the idea of making a pumpkin pie. Yuck. Okay, let’s move on.
  2. Find Pumpkin: Just go out into the woods or the fields. Find some of those big beautiful gourds, you know ’em, so orange and bulbous, and just rip that bad boy right out of the earth. Offer a quick and quiet prayer to Demeter, goddess of the harvest who presides over the fertility of the earth. She’s very chill about it. Once the pie is made, leave a slice on your window sill as a second and final thank you.
  3. Put on Your Pie-Making Jeans: I know you’ve got them, with the pleats and the denim. Slide right into those bad boys so you can really get in the Pie Zone (the kitchen) and get to work at Pie Time (when you make the pie)
  4. It’s Pie Time: Nice
  5. Mash a Pumpkin: Take the gourd you harvested and… Just… Just really ruin it. Use a hammer, I think? Use a hammer or those big green Incredible Hulk fists you can get at the store and just smash that fucker up, make it so gooey, make it a paste. If this thing even looks like a pumpkin by the time you’re done with it, you did something wrong. I want an absolute puddle of goo on the kitchen counter please and thank you.
  6. Eat All the Pumpkin Seeds: Gobble them up. If you leave them around it’ll be a huge mess, and Hannah my housemate will be upset with that, and we don’t want to be wasteful so you better just swallow them all.
  7. Cook the Pumpkin Goo: I don’t know how to get pie crusts so I figure if you just put the pulverized pumpkin in the oven for long enough it’ll crust over golden brown. That’s life, right? Leave it in there for anywhere from ten to twenty-six minutes, why not?
  8. You Made Pie for the Ghost Month

Congrats! Spooky and orange and everything you wanted. Hope you enjoyed, I did not, I do hate pumpkin pie, but I’m a professional so I didn’t let that stop me. If you take away nothing else from this recipe, just remember that I, Nate Winer, am the most professional member of the Thrill staff and probably deserve some kind of recognition for my efforts.

Okay cool, love you bye, have a great October Break.

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