Some say it’s over-the-clothes heavy petting, others say it’s a little bit of hanky panky with the peepees and weenies, but the fact of the matter is that “second base” is an ambiguous intimate activity that no one is quite sure how to define. We all know first base is kissing, third base is sex, and fourth base ghosting, but here’s a few things second base might refer to:

1. Farting in front of each other: It’s not real until a stink has been made. Does it get any more intimate than a wet and juicy one?
2. Letting someone borrow your k-card for a market run: Tomato tort is good but is it good enough to leave bed for?
3. Liking an Instagram post from three months ago: Let your partner know you did an in-depth social media dive!
4. Making eye contact on Middle Path: Bonus points if you hit them with a “‘Sup” or “What’s good?”
5. Exchanging social security numbers: We can’t reach third base until we fully acquire one another’s identities.
6. Making excessive contact when spotting someone in the gym: (1) Get those clammy fingers away from me! (2) I don’t like how close my butt is to your pelvis.