A Guide to Fall Break: Do More than Psychedelic Drugs


We recognize that The Thrill has given you suggestions on how to handle this glorious four day weekend before; however, now that it is 2018 and the 2020 plan has ripped our campus to shreds, those of us staying at Gund College for Fall Break need a little extra guidance in order to entertain ourselves.

There are the old Fall Break standbys: going to the BFEC, doing some autumnal shit and being high, and while these activities have been trusted by generations of kids and their moms for years, let’s try and be a little more creative this year.

Here are a few ideas to help those misanthropes who’s Fall Break plans are currently, “I don’t know, go to Columbus or something”:

  1. Attempt to take a shit in every academic house on campus.
  2. Ponder the fragmented statement “at Kenyon you will”.
  3. Build a fort out of raisins.
  4. Wear all black and a veil to morn the fact that we live in a Chili’s desert (closest location of a Chili’s establishment is some poor man’s version called “Chili’s Too” at the airport).
  5. Go into the new born baby brother of Lentz and perform its bris.
  6. Tunnel under the wall.
  7. Consider the lack of trees/landscaping around the NCAs
  8.  Go into Ruby Tuesdays wearing the closest thing you have to a three piece suit and simply state to the waiter, “I’ll have my regular”.
  9. Consider calling Zippers metal fasteners and Band-Aids adhesive bandages because you want to reject big brands and stick it to the man.
  10. Go for a goddam walk because everything the eye sees will be gone by 2040.

Alas, even with these insightful suggestions, I know you will probably just end up sauntering down to sunset point to stare, lackadaisically, at the patterns in the tree bark, as the tab of acid you took starts to hit.

Happy fucking Fall Break.

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