Has it just hit you that you aren’t going to be the next Allison Janney? Have you just realized that all the people who care that you know what free indirect discourse is are all sitting in the same room? Are you graduating in less than a year with no idea what to do with yourself? Aren’t you glad your skill set is both narrow and UTTERLY INCOMPATIBLE WITH CAPITALISM? Well lucky ducky you, here are five uses for your liberal arts degree when no one will hire you:

1. Fancy kitchen or dining accessory: Ever heard of a $240,000 cutting board? You have now!
2. Emergency TP: Studies show that 100% of butt holes prefer that college degree to Charmin Ultra Soft toilet paper
3.  The opening line of a comedy set: Thanks, John Mulaney! You’re an inspiration to us all!
4.  Boost your uncle’s ego: Remember all those Thanksgiving dinners where your uncle questioned the legitimacy of your area of study and you assured him that you were marketable you were networking you were on your way to a degree that would assure your success and financial stability, thank you very much, so suck it, Uncle Rick, I’m gonna have my English degree and eat it, too? Give him a call! Let him hit you with a good old ‘I told you so.’
5. Go to grad school for business: you either die a liberal arts major or live long enough to see yourself become an MBA.